Painting Generations

I have always loved painting and by "loved painting" I mean I have admired those who have the ability to paint. So, when I found out that for our July craft night we were going to learn how to watercolor I was naturally thrilled. I didn't however expect to have such a vivid flashback of a childhood memory that had been tucked away for years.

My family was at our home in Virginia for the summer and my mom was always looking for things to keep us busy while we were there. One summer my Grandma, who we affectionately called Dear, offered to teach me how to paint. As this memory flooded back it seemed as if I could remember every detail. We were driving down a road surrounded by large tress and forest. Pulling down a long curved drive, I see a small home tucked back in those tall trees. As the back door opens, I see a easel set up with two chairs facing toward it. To the left of the easel was a quaint kitchen and to the right there was a little eating nook complete with a table and chairs. I can almost feel the same emotion that I felt in that moment. I was so excited to be with Dear and to spend time with her. She was an incredible painter. We had several of her paintings hung in our home. I thought by the end of the day I was going to paint as beautifully as she did, or at least be on my way to some kind of likeness. My Mom said her goodbyes as Dear and I sat down in those two chairs facing the easel. Looking forward I notice her take a circle full of every color you can imagine into her hands. She looks over at me and says something along the lines of, "this is a color wheel, this is where painting starts."

By: Louis Taylor (Dear)

I can't help but smile and even laugh a little at that memory. I honestly don't know if we ever picked up a paint brush that day. I do remember the love, the time, and the patience she shared with me. I now have some of those beautiful paintings hanging in my own home. Though I didn't for a long time, now that I was reminded of such a sweet memory of her, I look at those paintings and smile. Not just a happy smile, or even a smile of remembrance, but a smile that fills my heart with all the emotion as if I were back in that kitchen, sitting in a chair facing an empty easel, next to someone feeling loved.

Once the day came to have my crash course in watercolor, I was overjoyed, but also a little nervous. Luckily, we had a wonderful teacher. She taught us step by step and was full of grace and encouragement. As she was teaching, in that very moment it all made since, why that memory seemed to pop out of nowhere. I was simply dipping my brush into a plastic cup full of water. Clear as day, impressed on my heart, "spend time with every generation you can, soak up the wisdom and invest in the young." God, God is so good. He is always working and He is always speaking to us. We just need to be still sometimes to hear it or wait a generation for it to be revealed. As I was sitting there with a paintbrush in my hand and that memory fresh on my heart. In that memory, two generations ahead of me, my Grandmother was investing in the generation to come. She didn't share the gospel with me, from what I remember we didn't even pray. But, that day she was kind, patient, loving, full of joy and goodness. Now, sitting in a room full of women representing three generations investing in one another, again I smile. Not just a smile of happiness, but a smile that fills my heart with knowing that God is at work. A confirmation that God is calling Wrinkles and Grace to exist, though we may feel unequipped at times. He has been in control and seen the vision from the time he started writing my story.

"I will teach you hidden lessons from our past stories we have heard and known, stories our ancestors handed down to us. We will not hide these truths form our children; we will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his might wonders." Psalm 78:3

Around the Table

  Is social anxiety a real thing?

 Have you ever been invited to a party and you really wanted to go but you did not know if you would feel out of place? I never realized that social anxiety was a thing. Perhaps that is why as a child and throughout my young adult life I felt so awkward in social situations. It is funny how we tend to look back at our life's and see truths we could not see when we were in them. Today, I find myself looking back, seeing the reality of missed opportunities because I was uncomfortable in large groups of people. Anxiety for me was a fear, a fear of the unknown. When I needed to go to a social event where I would not know people or know them well, I would worry about what I looked like or if I had on the correct outfit. There would be that heart wrenching thought, "what if nobody talked to me" and if they did, "what do I say?"

 God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

 One day I realized I was missing life and began putting myself out into the world. That is not to say there were not times that I was afraid or a little shaky. When I finally opened my front door and started looking out into this beautiful world I realized that I really enjoyed meeting new people and getting to know them. All I had to do was take a step into the unknown. Yes, sometimes it was scary to go to a new place or meet new people, but it has always been worth it. By experiencing people and new situations we grow in knowledge and compassion. We learn that we are all very different yet, in many ways we are the same.

 Last night Jay and I were invited to a friends house to celebrate our wonderful friend Julie's retirement from teaching. I had never been to the host and hostess's home before nor was I sure who would be at the party. In the past this would have been very scary and difficult for me. However, last night was not.

 When we arrived to the party we were welcomed at the door by the host who lead us into his beautiful home where the honored guest stood with smiles receiving hugs and congratulations. As each guest arrived I realized that the host and hostess greeted each person as if they were the honored guest. Which made all of us feel very comfortable and welcome.

  As I looked around the room guest were beginning to gather in circles or in one on one conversations. I had just finished a conversation myself when I realized I was standing alone. In the past this would have totally freaked me out. Tonight, I just looked around to see what else was going on. Our host was giving a tour of his home. Yay! I walked right over and joined in on the tour. Nobody looked at me funny (which would have been a past fear) they just said, "Hey, do you want to go on the tour?" In reality most people are not looking at you or even thinking about you. More times than not they are in their own heads thinking their own thoughts.

 Hors d'oeuvres were passed around as we all sipped our drinks and mingled. I found myself talking with ladies I did not know very well. As we talked my heart began to soften, open, as if a gift was being given. These women were sharing their life experiences with me. Their openness made me feel honored and loved.

  As I stood among a group of ladies listening intently, our host and hostess announced that dinner was about to be served. One of the ladies set her drink down on a table and said, "This looks like a good table, lets sit here." For some reason I ended up back at the table first. So, there I was alone. For a brief moment I felt uncomfortable until my new friend came around the corner. Relieved I said, "Oh good, you're here! I was beginning to feel a little awkward at this big table all by myself." As she sat down we both laughed. Perhaps she too had felt awkward in a similar situation at one time. Maybe, by verbalizing my thoughts I opened a door.

 It was not to long and the table was full. Four women began sharing their lives. Each sharing something different yet, important to them. They were sharing things like how they met their husbands, what it was like to lose a husband and things they enjoy doing. Next thing we knew, four more women pulled up chairs and joined the circle. The conversation just got better and better as each lady seemed to enjoy the depth and openness of each word spoken. There was no gossip or criticizing. We were a group of women sharing our life experiences with one another.

 Time flew by and before we knew it, it was time for Julie to open her gifts and cut the cake. All the men gathered around the table behind their wives as we congratulated our dear friend for her years of dedication to teaching.

 What if I had let my past fears take over? There would have been no connections, no lessons learned,  no supporting a special friend, no meeting new friends or building relationships. I would have missed out on a lovely celebration and a wonderful evening. How grateful I am that my past fears are no longer holding me. If I could impart in you a small bit of encouragement on the subject of social anxiety it would be these few things. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin knowing that you are beautiful and special in your own way. There is nobody on this earth just like you. Just so you know, that makes you amazing! You know what, people are just people. We are all just going through this life doing the best we can with the tools we have. In those times, when you feel uncomfortable or afraid in a social situation do it anyway. If you don't then you may miss out on something really special or a lot of fun.

  This party reinforced my love for multi-generational relationships. Women are amazing! There is always something we can learn from someone's experiences. Take the time to sit around a table and share your lives with one another. You will be giving a gift, a very important and special gift.

ginny Taylor

Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing so some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:2 NIV

Don't Let The Old Girl In

 Have you ever found yourself wondering about age? Has the word old or older become part of your description of self ? What is old anyway?

 Webster says, Old is Ancient, of long standing, Distinguished from an object of the same kind by an earlier date, having existed for a specified period of time, advanced in years or age, showing characteristics of age, Experienced, Former, showing the effects of time, worn, aged, no longer in use Discarded like old rags, Tiresome

 Adjectives of old according to Webster, being in advanced years and especially past middle age

 Synonyms: aged, aging, ancient, elderly, geriatric, long-lived, older, over-the-hill, senescent, senior, unyoung

 Related words: centenarian, nonagenarian, octogenarian, septuagenarian, sexagenarian, oldish, adult, grown-up, mature, middle-aged, pensioned, retired, superannuated, matriarchal, patriarchal, venerable, decrepit, doddering, senile, spavined, tottery, over aged

 Oh, my! That is a lot of words referring to old. So what do you think? Is old knocking at your door?

 One day while looking in the mirror I saw a new person. Her face had changed." Woe! How did that happen? When did that happen? Did I miss something? Where is that 30 year old face?" I found myself manipulating my face by pulling the now loose skin that has gathered at my jaw line up towards my ears. As the realization hit me I froze. I began analyzing every millimeter of my face. My eyes stared back at me, one had become lazier than it had ever before and seemed to be asleep at the wheel. Then I smiled into my reflection, "Well hello you!" 

 Had I really thought that my face would never change? In all honesty, I thought my face would always be the same. I had never given a thought to the possibility that I would see an older face in the mirror and it would belong to me. You know how a teenager thinks they are invincible? I guess I always thought age would never touch me.

 The age question kind of hit me hard this spring, it sent me into a huge realization and analyzation of self. Which was a hard process to go though but also a very good one. I'm grateful for that time of refection, actualization and growth. In that time I began wondering how others felt about age. Recently I asked family and friends questions about their thoughts and or feelings on age. I hope you well be encouraged and inspired as you read some of the responses to the Question of Old. 

 I  began my exploration of old by Face Timing my seven year old grandson Jude. "Hello Jude, I would like to ask you a question. What do you think makes a person old?" His first response was that he did not know but after a moment of processing he came back with, " White hair!" I then asked, "I'm I old?" he said, "Yes!" Trying not to laugh too hard I asked him if he thought his mom was old. Jude replied with an emphatic, " No, her hair is gray. She's not old." At this point I am dying, trying not to break out in a full blown laugh attack. "Hey Jude, is Jay old?" Jude says matter of fact, "Yes! He has white hair."

  Gray hair is a glorious crown worn by those who have lived right. Proverbs 16:31 CEV

  Recently a 37 year old was asked, When, if ever have you felt like you were getting old? His reply was, "This year. While fishing a long weekend off shore and over night I realized I need to start doing something. My body did not handle the trip like it use to."

 The glory of men is their strength, grey hair the splendor of the old. Proverbs 20:29 NIV

 I have two friends who have both had a heart attack in their 60's one male and the other female. I asked both of them the same question. "Have you had a time in your life when you felt like you were getting older?" I knew for sure they would say after my heart attack. My mistake, they both said," no." I said, "Really, not even after your heart attack?" they both said, "no". I found this very interesting. Then I remembered going through some pretty scary health things in my own life. I was not thinking about age at the time I was thinking about, how to get better, stay better and move on.

 Two women in their late 70's, were asked this same question at separate times. However their reactions were the same. "You know Ginny, I just don't think about it." My response was, " And that's why you are so young." These responses were not too, far from my husbands answer which was, "It's all about attitude."

 Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10 NIV

 While swimming in the pool with Isla who is three I asked, "Isla when do you think a person is old?" She got so excited, "Old! I will be old when I am six! "She was so happy and smiling, "I'll be Old, like Jude!" Don't you just love this. The excitement of a child to grow another year older.

 A man now 78 was asked," Have you ever felt like you were getting older?" I did not get a short answer to this question. I got a very wise answer with a lot of prospective yet in the end he said,"For me it was when I was 47, I came to realize I was middle aged, things had gotten hard financially and I had a wife and children to care for and provide for."

 At 32, a women had just gone through postpartum and found out she was pregnant again. The hospital bills were adding up after having two babies so close together. There was a moment when she thought,"Wow, I'm a mommy and wife with major responsibility's. I'm getting old."  

 While a 34 year old looks in the mirror and is disappointed in herself because she can see the effects of all those years she spent in the sun with no sun screen ."You know, now I take good care of my skin, but I wish I would have done a better job when I was younger."

 At 59 with 60 knocking on her door, I ask, "Do you ever think your getting older?" She responded  in laughter. "Yes! I look in the mirror and say, 'Who are you? You are not me! What happened?'" 

  While having dinner with friends I asked the question ,"Have you ever felt like you were getting older? "One of the ladies had just lost her mother. Sadly she said,"Yes, Now that my Mom has passed away their is the reality that I am now the matriarch of the family."

 Another friend responded, "When I realized, when the next baby arrives in our family my daughter will be a grandmother and I will be a great grandmother."

 As we went around the table each giving their response to the question of age, the oldest gentlemen in the group says, "You did not ask me?" I smiled. "That is because I already know your answer." He says, "You do?" "I believe so, but please tell us your secret." Smiling he answers, "I don't let the Old Man in".
 I have been watching this 83 year old man out perform all of us for several years now. He does it all, paddle boarding, walking, skiing, taking care of boats and houses and so much more. This man definitely does not act old. I believe it's because he does not let that old man in by staying active, he is happier and looks younger.

Don't Let The Old Man In by Toby Keith

 We all age and as each year passes we hope we are wiser and pray we are healthy both mentally and physically. Yet if life throws us a curve ball, which it will, we have the choice whether or not to "let the old man or women in."

 May the gray hair and wrinkles in life bring you wisdom and grace,

Ginny Taylor

   

Our Mission

Wrinkles and Grace came about due to my mother and I having a very unique relationship. My mom was a mother to me as I grew up and at that time I probably wouldn't have called her a friend. We were mother and daughter, there were boundaries and rules and expectations. She was my culinary teacher and my tutor. My mom was my etiquette coach, my stylist and my pastor. She was not my gossip partner nor did she let temptation sneak in to far. I didn't even know most of the songs my friends knew on the radio because ours didn't turn from the local Christian station very often, if ever. Now, I can honestly say I am the same way with my kids and that doesn't just go with radio station. I have boundaries, rules and expectations with my own children. My daughters would not necessarily say that I am their friend. They do however call me mommy and tell me how much I am loved. The unique thing about my mother and I, is we never had that teenage falling out or the "my mother is so annoying stage." Today, now that I am older and trying to be a godly wife and mother, I would call her one of my very best friends. She is a confidant, my sounding board and a big chunk of my wise council.

I don't know how she did it. She balanced it all so gracefully. We didn't even notice when things shifted from her just being my mother to being my mother and friend, it was just a natural transition for us. I have asked her on more than one occasion how she balanced open communication with a healthy boundary. We have often had discussions on how lucky we are to have the relationship we do, but we also feel a little broken for those who live a different story.

I have learned so much from my Mom, and not just because she raised me. But, from watching her with other women. I can remember so vividly peaking around the corner of a room, looking into another, just so that I could sneak a peak at her and a friend sipping coffee, reading scripture, crying, laughing or praying. As an adult myself, that is one of my favorite things to do. I love to open my door to others and allow ourselves to be honest, gentle and simply just there. Whether being "there" is in a place of joy or sorrow.

After having many of my own coffee times with friends, I noticed something kind of funny. I was confiding in women who were going through the same things that I was. That is great for empathy or sympathy. But, maybe not for advice seeing as how they haven't found success, failure or even made it out of the same season you are in. I am not saying to stop giving helpful advice to friends or ideas to try, as long as it lines up with the Word of God that's great and a big part of friendship. However, when was the last time you sat down with someone who has already been there? That is where Wrinkles and Grace comes in.

We, my mom and I, desire to develop a social company that embraces life's wrinkles, the ups and the downs of life and spreads grace through those times. We would like to help facilitate the opportunity to gain wise council and elders for young women to look up to. Children are not the only one who need a mentor, we all do. Our hope is to create gatherings through our craft nights that will lead to healthy relationships of multi-generational women.

Laced throughout the Bible God stresses the importance of elders, wise council and warns us to be of sound doctrine. We love Gods Word and believe that is completely true, relevant and necessary to live a full life. Titus 2:3 tells us,"Tell the older women to behave as those who love the Lord should. They must not gossip about others or be slaves of wine. They must teach what is proper, so the younger women will be loving wives and mothers. Each of the younger women must be sensible and kind. as well as a good homemaker, who puts her own husband first. Then no one can say insulting things about Gods message."

There are not the same opportunities now that women had in the "olden days" to learn form those whom have been there before us. The women who lived our season, whether successfully or with failure, they have advice for us due to what they lived and experienced. We, as younger women should yearn to learn those lessons before facing failure or consequence. We need to desire relationships with women who are generations ahead of us. This is not only due to a important biblical principle but, because we can be better wives and mothers though them.

God has clearly placed this vision on our hearts. My mom and I have been working hard to make the vision a reality, however God is much bigger than us and His vision is more than we can do ourselves. We would love for you all to pray for us as we lean on God and dive head first into this ministry. He is already blessed us so much and we have felt the enemies anger toward us. That however, only reassures us we are headed the right direction to bring God glory. With the blessing and encouragement we have been experiencing, we are also experiencing some growing pains. After just a few months of getting Wrinkles and Grace off the ground it is time to expand and add more women to our team. We are looking for facilities to collaborate with and host craft nights. We would also love to have some help with the editing and social media, as well as an administrative personality. Please join with us in prayer over those people and if you are local to our area and being part of the Wrinkles and Grace team is something you would enjoy, reach out to us.

Proverbs 11:14 "Where there is not counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety."

With Love,
Wrinkles and Grace

American Flag DIY

At Wrinkles and Grace we really enjoy having our monthly craft nights that are full of fellowship, yummy treats and of course crafts. Our June craft night was extra special for me. My mom, Ginny, had been out of town on a beautiful vacation. So, I was given the responsibility of coming up with and creating the craft for June. It may be because I have a "firecracker baby" or my love for Americana, either way summer decor should always involve an American flag in my opinion. So, a Boho inspired American flag wreath is what I came up with and I am excited to share step by step directions with you. I also hope that you take the time to create this wreath for your own home and share it with us!

To start this craft, first you are going to need to gather your supplies:
1. Embroidery hoop (We used a 12-inch hoop)
2. Hot glue gun
3. Fake flowers (We used sunflowers found at Walmart)
4. Red fabric, ribbon and yarn
5. White fabric, ribbon and yarn
6. Denim, blue ribbon and blue yarn
7. Pearls (plastic)

Now that you have all of the supplies you will need to create your summer wreath, you can start cutting the fabric into 2 to 3 inch stripes. Make sure that your strips are double the length that you would like the flag to be when hanging from the bottom of your hoop.

A good tip is to hang the bottom of the embroidery hoop of the edge of the table. This will allow you to see what each piece will look like as well as keep them from shifting out of place so easily.

Remove the inner circle of the embroidery hoop and set it aside for later. Now, start hanging the red and white materials in their pattern across the bottom third of your hoop. Feel free to layer white on top of white or red on red to create more depth and character to your flag, using lots of different textures of materials makes a big impact on the finished product.

Once you have covered the bottom third of your hoop with the red and white pattern then start cutting your blue denim and blue ribbon. You will want to cut your blue material in half of the length you chose for your red and white fabrics.

Now that your blue material is cut, using the same technique that was used with the red and white pattern, layer the blue fabrics over what is there on half of the right side of the hoop. (see below)

After you have adjusted all of the material and achieved the look you want as far as texture and length, grab the inner circle of the embroidery hoop. Making sure that the screw is at the top of the hoop, put the inner hoop inside and tighten the two together using that screw. This will keep your fabric in place while also allowing you to change it out in the future if you wish. I think changing the red, white and blue out for different flannels in the fall could be really cute. 

The next step after your materials are snug between the two hoops is the placement of your flowers. Take off the flowers from the stem that they come on, do the same with the leaves. Before you start to glue lay them out until you are happy with the look. 

Lift the flowers up and glue from the top as much as you can. Flip the whole thing over and glue around all of the flowers again from the bottom. Doing this extra step helps the durability and allows you to add more leaves and depth to the look of them. 

Flip the hoop back over one more time for your final step. We need some stars for our flag and that is where the pearls come in. I just laid pearls out randomly on top of the blue strips and did not count out 50, I wanted to leave it as a suggestion, but feel free to count them out if you would like. 

Hang and enjoy for the summer or beyond. 

However, before you go I would love to share a quick word with you. Memorial Day has just passed, The Fourth of July is right around the corner and election season is just gearing up. There is so much division in our country. We are so lucky live in a place were we don't only have the right to an opinion, but the right to express it. However, sometimes we can cause more hurt than help with those opinions. What our country needs more of rather than louder opinions, is prayer. As Christians, we are to live in a balance; standing for that which is true while seeking unity with each other as much as possible. Standing firm in faith while showing grace to those who do not, holding our leaders accountable while praying for their wisdom and well-being. In the craziness of opinion, can we stand in the gap and pray that God continues to work in the midst of it all?

1 Timothy 2:1-2 "I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."

1 Peter 2:17 " Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor."

Jeremiah 29;7 "also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

Proverbs 21:1 "The kings heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will."

Whether you like were our country is at or headed. Whether it breaks your heart to see whats on the news and how things have changed over the years. Whether you are complacent and try your best to ignore it all. We as Christians are called to do more, to show honor, respect and love, to choose peace and to pray. 

As cheesy as it is... God Bless America, land that I love.

Rachel Batey

Shell Box - Vacation Memento

 Summer is just around the corner and chances are you may find yourselves on a beach somewhere on your next vacation. So I thought it might be nice to throw out something fun to do while on the beach. 

 If you are anything like me, once every one is moved in and settled you will want to go for a walk on the beach. I have been doing this since I was a small child. Some of my best memories are walking the beach picking up shells with my, Mom and Grand mom. All of us loved to go shelling. Shelling is relaxing and educational all at the same time. It is a wonderful way to share your knowledge of sea creatures with your children or learn about them together.

  Once you have gathered all of your treasures from the sea, what do you do with them? Why not make a Shell Box? It could be your vacation souvenir. Some call these boxes sailor's valentines.

  It has been said that sailors would make beautiful boxes for their Valentine's while they were out to sea. When the sailors would return home they would present these lovely valentines to their sweethearts. You could make a shell box and take it home as a  reminder of your wonderful vacation.
 This activity is wide ranging anyone from toddler to adult can do this craft. Its a fun way to relax by yourself or bod with your children or vacation buddies. (your not going to want young children to use the E600 but they can help with the finding and placing of the shells as will as helping with the inside of the box.) 

  

 To start all you will need is a box (it can be any box, any size or shape) that you can lift the top off of. I used a small cheese box, a candy box would work well too. Use what you have. You will also need painters tape, E600, a glue stick, small scissors and shells. You may want to bring the tape, E600, glue stick and scissors with you on your trip. That way you will not have the stress of finding supplies while trying to have a relaxing vacation. The good thing is, these supplies are small and will not take up much room in your travel bag.

 Are you ready to make your vacation souvenir?
 Start by gluing your shells onto the outside rim of your box lid. 

 Tear off several pieces of painter's tape and stick them to the edge of your table. This way they will be handy for you to grab when needed. Once you placed a shell on your box put a piece of tape around it so that it will not move while it is drying. 

 Do this all the way around the box.

 Back to why this could be a great vacation idea. So, you want to take home a souvenir. 

While the shells are drying on the sides of your box lid start gathering up the brochures or a real estate ad book of your vacation spot.

 Grab the kids and start cutting pictures and words out of the material that remind you of your trip. This project does not have to be done in a day. Maybe it's raining and the kids need something to do or you just want to work on this alone while kids are playing outside or napping. Maybe you don't even have children but you would like a project for a rainy or hot day.  

 Once you have all your pictures cut out start gluing your collection of pictures and words onto the inside of your box top.  

 You will also want to do the same thing on the inside of your box lid. 

 Now that you have the insides of your box finished, its time to start working on the outside of your box. Anything goes here. Do what makes you happy. I started with the center shell on the top of my box and then started working out.

 I glued more shells around my sharks eye shell (the center shell).

 Filling in spaces I continued working on the top of the box. 

                                      

 If you ever feel like your shells will not stay in place just use your painters tape to secure your shells. I used the same small pieces of tape over and over again.

 Once you have the top of your box looking the way you want it to, start working on the sides of your box again.

 Remember the tape is your friend and you can always stop and take a brake.

Time for ice cream maybe?

 This little box was so much fun to make and I will always have a small remembrance of a wonderful trip with my sweet husband.

 I hope that you to will find a little joy in creating a special little memento of your vacation.

Psalm 40

People think so commonly that children teach you patience as they grow, and as true as that is, your child can teach you patience even before they are born. On average, it takes a healthy couple seven months to conceive a baby. What no one talks about is the very second you have that desire as a women to carry a child, that is also the instant you love fall in love with that baby.

My husband and I wanted a baby. After more time than expected, after tracking cycles, scheduling and testing finally we found ourselves elated to see a positive test result. We were in love and just wanted to shout it from the roof top. We excitedly told our parents, our bosses and some of our closest friends. However, that happiness only lasted a few weeks. After a blood test and a confirmation ultrasound, it was clear we had lost the baby that we had so quickly fallen in love with. There is no way to describe the feeling perfectly. You just feel hopeless; like you failed at being a mom before you even got the chance to try.

We still desperately wanted to become parents. My husband and I let the appropriate amount of time to pass as we let my body heal and our hearts as best that we could. Hope was still missing as almost a full year passed. I will never forget the desperate prayers, the begging and deals I would make with God. I had heard that a sign of a healthy pregnancy was morning sickness, so naturally I even prayed to be nauseous.

My husband had left for work. I rolled out of bed to get ready to head off to work myself. However, that morning was different, as I started to brush my teeth, I quickly found myself on my knees bowing in front of the toilet. I didn't even need to take a pregnancy test, I just burst into tears. I shouted praise and just wanted to thank God as much as I had begged Him, as much as I bartered with Him. He answered our prayers and maybe a little too perfectly as I spent almost the full nine months sick to my stomach. Even though I wasn't feeling well, I was grateful for the reminder that I had a healthy baby. But, this time wasn't the same as the first. We didn't want to shout it from the roof tops and there was a little fear with every cramp, twinge and ultrasound.

I can honestly say that the plunge into dying to myself, to my selfishness and fully relying on Christ started in the fear that I found in pregnancy. It was completely out of my control. It was completely in His control. I had no other option than to start trusting that He was knitting that baby together in my belly. I had no other option than to believe that He was fulfilling my dreams. I am so grateful for the lessons that He had laced into all of the heartbreak. I am thankful to the whispers of hope and healing along the way.

One of my many prayers, as I was begging God for a healthy baby was to carry it full term. Well, again be careful of what you pray. I carried our baby boy almost a full two weeks past full term. On May 21st, 2012 I was induced to give birth to a healthy baby boy.

There were so many alarms, so many monitors, so many nurses, so many doctors, but all I could manage to do was stare at one particular monitor. I couldn't focus on much else, just one screen, one line of zig-zags that kept turning into a straight line. All of the fear from early in the pregnancy came rushing back. I wasn't very aware of what was happening in the room. My epidural was placed wrong more than once, my blood pressure was dangerously low and I didn't have much iron left in my body. My sweet baby's heart was slow and kept stopping, that was all that I cared about and almost all of what I can remember. My mom and husband have filled in the blanks for me since. I was being prepped for a C-section, I had signed papers wanting my son to have a full life if it came down to a choice between him or me. That choice came to a forefront as my baby and I were both fighting to survive. There was a point where I was not of sound mind, the times that I could gain focus, it was on that one monitor, on that one line.

Shortly before they would wheel me off to surgery, a new doctor ran into the room. He asked the doctor and nurses that had been with me for hours to step out and speak with him. He made it clear to them that I would not survive a C-section. He walked back into the hospital room with confidence and what he hoped to be a solution. The next thing I remember is having nurses and my mom yelling "PUSH!". I remember smelling salts and pain. I remember fear, tears, then overwhelming joy and happiness as I held my healthy baby boy on May 22nd, 2012.

Today, May 22nd, 2019 that healthy baby boy is now a seven year old full of adventure, energy and dreams for his own future. Today, I am no longer desperately praying, begging and bartering for a healthy baby. Today, I am praying and prophesying for a spiritually healthy man of God. New fears have tried to grip me, fear of addiction, fear of adultery, fear of unbelief. And, again I find myself, crucified to self and relying on God. As much as I want to be in control, my little boy has free will, he has dreams that he will chase and a purpose to fulfill that I have no say over. I have to trust God, I rely on Him to guide me as I raise my little man the best that I can, while I have so much influence over him. I can not let fear keep me from letting him live. This generation can be scary to raise a child in, but our children can also be the ones to change it.

Happy Birthday Jude MacLean
(Jude - Give thanks, praise; MacLean- Servant)

Psalm 40

My Help and My Deliverer

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.40 

I ^uwaited patiently for the LORD;

he inclined to me and ^vheard my cry.

2  He drew me up from ^wthe pit of destruction,

out of ^xthe miry bog,

and ^yset my feet upon a rock,

^zmaking my steps secure.

3  He put ^aa new song in my mouth,

a song of praise to our God.

Many will ^bsee and fear,

and put their trust in the LORD.

4  Blessed is the man who ^cmakes

the LORD his trust,

who does not turn to the proud,

to those who ^dgo astray after a lie!

5  You have multiplied, O LORD my God,

your ^ewondrous deeds and your ^fthoughts toward us;

none can compare with you!

I will proclaim and tell of them,

yet they are ^gmore than can be told.

6  ^hIn sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,

but you have given me an open ⁱear.¹

Burnt offering and sin offering

you have not required.

7  Then I said, “Behold, I have come;

in the scroll of the book it is written ^jof me:

8  ^kI delight to do your will, O my God;

your law is ^lwithin my heart.”

9  I have told the glad news of deliverance²

in ^mthe great congregation;

behold, I have not ⁿrestrained my lips,

^oas you know, O LORD.

10  I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;

I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;

I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness

from the great congregation.

11  As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain

your mercy from me;

your ^psteadfast love and your faithfulness will

ever preserve me!

12  For evils have ^qencompassed me

beyond number;

my ^riniquities have overtaken me,

and I cannot ^ssee;

they are ^tmore than the hairs of my head;

my heart ^ufails me.

13  ^vBe pleased, O LORD, to ^wdeliver me!

O LORD, ^xmake haste to help me!

14  ^yLet those be put to shame and disappointed altogether

who seek to snatch away my life;

let those be ^zturned back and brought to dishonor

who delight in my hurt!

15  Let those be appalled because of their shame

who ^asay to me, “Aha, Aha!”

16  But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation

^bsay continually, “Great is the LORD!”

17  As for me, I am ^cpoor and needy,

but ^dthe Lord takes thought for me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

do not delay, O my God!