The "Evil Stepmother"

When I was a little girl I played wedding day with my friends, dressed up in thrift store clothes, old hats and antique gloves. I played house with a Ken doll as the husband, lots of baby dolls and tea times. I never played stepmom. A stepmother was just the evil lady in Cinderella.

I grew up in one home, my parents owned and we lived in the same house from the time I was three months old and they owned it until after my wedding day. When my friends and I would play "wedding", we would walk out my front door and down the aisle out toward a crowd of teddy bears and baby dolls. My grown up wedding day came and actually looked a lot like the dream wedding from my childhood, down the steps to my father, out the front door and toward a crowd of family and friends. But, that day was not just the day I became a wife, I also became a mother.

I am one of the lucky ones, I believe. I am fortunate enough to have known my stepdaughter since she was under two years old. We were married when she was only three. She does not know what life is like without me. She doesn't remember her birth mom and dad together. It truly is the best case scenario. That does not make it easy. It was not how I planned it when I played house with my Ken doll and plastic babies. It wasn't my dream, until the day I met her.

I was at my, now husbands, apartment. We had been dating a few months at this point. He had explained that he wanted to be sure about our relationship before he introduced his daughter to me. One night, he just took my hand and asked me if I wanted to see her. She was in her room, fast asleep in her crib. He walked me hand in hand across her bedroom, we both leaned slightly over the edge of her white crib and he simply said, "this is Avery." She was so tiny to me, so innocent and sweet. Curled up in a green blanket with elephants on it, her wild blonde curls and her tan skin. That moment is as imprinted on me as much as the first moment I held any of the babies I have given birth to.

I started the mom thing at potty training and picky eating. I started the wife thing at school night routines and kid friendly restaurants. We started the family thing together and created new dreams.

It is hard to break the childhood mold of the "evil step mother'. It is typically the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word. But, I wanted to encourage all the other stepmom's out there. I understand this probably wasn't your childhood dream. Being a stepmom is being a mom in almost every way with added challenges. Stepmom's require balancing relationships that aren't quite natural. It involves hearing things that can hurt while feeling powerless to help. We are called to love in an extraordinary selfless way. My family may be one of the lucky ones, but it is not without challenges. At times it seems like my step-daughter is torn between two different worlds. But, I am confident that the "evil stepmother" stereotype is fading and that there are stepmoms out there breaking that mold every day.

To the mom's out there who are sharing your children with us; we love them, we are not trying to steal them from you or replace you. We are called in 1 Corinthians to love your children more than ourselves, not to be selfish with love, but to give it freely without being jealous of who we share that same love with. Your child, our stepchild, has plenty of love for every kind of parent they have. Thank you to those moms, I know it wasn't your childhood dream, I understand that it is not easy.

Thank you to all stepmoms out there, you are making a difference, you are important, you are impacting a precious gift that you were entrusted with by God, your husband, and a mom.  Thank you for all the balancing, kindness and respect. Thank you for walking along side of all the other stepmoms breaking the mold and the stereotypes. Thank you for saying "I do" to not one, but two.

Happy Mother's Day,
Rachel Batey